A Blank Mind ---- Anger

Anger is an extremely volatile emotion. As I am currently, right at this moment, exactly at THIS bloody moment feeling right now. It's 2.30am and I am gradually rising in fury. Makes me wonder if I should put myself in a straitjacket before I harm someone. Or rather someones.

In a few hours from now, I will be feeling desperation of loss. How am I going to solve this object of my fury. I haven't been angry for many years now. I've always tried to make myself genuinely likeable to people. Amazingly, people find me comical when I'm seeing red. And that usually makes me laugh, cos I really do like to laugh, I love to be happy. I never bring pessimism into my daily life. Eventually, my nature is being taken advantage of. Nobody knows anyone's limit to anger. I suppose nobody will want to.

You'll understand why anger should never be tolerated:

Anger make one unpredictable
Anger causes harm to oneself and others
Anger means that the person who caused it is a piece of shit
Anger brings out the worst in everyone
Anger makes you ugly inside
Anger makes the mind work in twisted ways
Anger has not got a limit
Anger makes me want to do something bad

I am furious.

I am at the point of serious damage mentally. My mental health is very important because I am not a smart person. If I were smarter, I would not succumb to it.

My fucking hands are shaking.

You see, I'm not really myself when I'm angry. I suppose it changes the perception of me.

I'm angry at myself more than I am angry at the object.

The way they play with your head with their petty little mind games. How I wish I could do something to stop these little mind games. Stupid little mind games. Does it make you feel good? Does it make you feel superior? Why? Is it because you can?

... are you afraid I'll bring you down to my level? Congratulations, you already are. Telling your little little mean things. Is it because I'm better? Or because you have to put me down to feel good. Am I disturbing your mind?

I'm not at loss yet. I suppose the shit has to end up in a shithole somewhere. I am the shithole. Why? Because I'm labeled as the outcast. Because I'm different. Not much different my dear, as you may see yourself in me. Maybe more than you think. You're not any better. Nobody is better than anybody else, except a person with anger.

Don't think badly of my family. There is no heritage of insanity in mine.

I can still feel my anger

My madness

The thing in me, it's rising

I am hurt, by the people I love

Because I love them, I am angry

Why am I angry? My hands are shaking. My bloody hands.

I am glad of one thing, I am alone now. Nobody can see me like this. This evil fit. This thing in me waiting to get out.

I've not wanted to do something bad in a long time.

Did you really think I'll never find out?