To unfriend or not to unfriend?

Scenario: So you've been dumped and ur stalking his Facebook account. Every update slaps u in the face. Every photo of him moving on after 2 months and enjoying his life kicks u in the teeth. Pictures of him and a new girl makes u delirious with jealousy. Then suddenly, every photo of you is deleted from his album, u were deleted callously from his life... And then the next day, after u kindly untagged every of his photos so that his new gf and him doesn't see ur face on his photos log, u find that u have been UNFRIENDED! U and all your friends he added.

Trust me, every instinct wanted to delete him from Facebook after he deleted my photos. I kept him there because I didn't want to be petty and I really did want to continue being friends. Well no need to worry about that now. So what exactly is the Facebook etiquette when it comes to exes? I don't deny that he must have had a reason for deleting me. Let me name a few

1. His new chick could be just a jealous girl and can't stand his ex being on his Facebook
2. My post on going to Brazil for Mardi Gras may have caused him such intense feelings that he just HAD to delete me
   
3. He's stalking me and missing me too much
4. He's a miserable old goat
5. He's moved on and I'm non-existant in his life anymore
6. His Facebook got hacked and miraculously me and my friends have been deleted
7. He got abducted by friendly relatives and they did an anal probe on him and forced him to delete me

But whatever it is, I'm already a thing of the past and isn't it better now? No more stalking for me. I won't see his miserable, hypocritical face. I won't see her smiling happily into the camera thinking that she caught the man of the lifetime. Good luck when he controls ur life and accuses u of flirting with the world darling! No more pain looking at him moving on anymore. What's not to be happy about!? I got out of a fucked relationship, I should be popping champagne and calling for a parade and declare 9 June a National holiday! 


So he deleted me and my friends off his Facebook friends, so what? It made him look like a sad petty bastard since he dumped me in the first place with a text 'It's over'.  I have nothing to lose. He only owed me empty promises. I wasn't dependent on him for anything. I don't owe him anything. It's not the end of the world. In fact, I relish at the thought of moving on to a much better time with my new date, TB. Try guessing what TB means ;). 

Why waste time thinking why, what did I do wrong? Why waste time on someone who has absolute no respect for you? Who was in love with a shallow dream? Who made your 29th birthday lonely and just simply shit? Why waste time on someone who told you he was going marry u one day then dump u the next day cos of a quarrel over World of Warcraft. Ha ha!


J unfriended me on Facebook. Big deal. He caused me much more hurt in real, I don't need constant reminders of him in the virtual world as well. Hey I already uninstalled World of Warcraft because of him! (I healed your fucking undead rogue ass and sacrificed myself to save ur miserable virtual life!) I'm glad he did the dirty deed too. He has just confirmed to us all how small of a person he is. 


I would have understood if he had kindly just sent me a little short message why he did it. After all, I WAS someone u wanted to be with and loved before. Didn't ur mother teach you manners? Maybe not, I mean even someone so racist can teach something of value to her children. Oh and btw, thanks for 'defending' me when ur mom racially blasts me. Thanks for sitting there quietly listening then telling me afterwards.


These books helped me to look at my future in a more positive way:

It's Called Breakup Because It's Broken is a freaking fantastic book. It's a MUST have for all girls who, like me, need help in moving on.

Healing and self discovery

A month ago, namely 9 June 2011, I was surreptitiously dumped by the man I thought I was going to marry. In all honestly, it was done after a quarrel over the phone, nevertheless it took me by surprise anyway. I was in shock and soon after depressed and then seemingly recovering when it hit me like a truck again. I spent a week crying quietly in office, typing minutes with endless tears flowing. I spend everyday crying in bed before I sleep, missing him badly, wanting to hold and smell him again. After that, I had weeks to rant and rave. I even gave up my pride to beg him back thrice, only to be met with silence and then abuse. I was delirious. I had no place to escape. Slowly, with friends and company, I managed to recover. Then the next painful realization, He Has Moved On.... Back to square one.

So what happens now? The void seems to want to stay and taunt me from within. While I shamelessly stalk his Facebook and scan all his female friends, I seem to get a picture in my mind. Unknowing to him, I actually understand him more than he thinks I do. I have been correct and spot on with every slight move he makes and how he thinks even before it happens. Unfortunately, I am usually right. There are times when I wish I was wrong and these are such times.

Maybe it's just the human reaction to pain, and that is to quickly find someone else. Whether to keep company in bed or to share the time together holding hands and starting something new. I can understand that because that's how I used to handle heartbreak. It isn't hard for him for he is good looking, hardworking, generous...he is all that a woman wants. I was technically his first girlfriend. And from his past lifestyle of constant clubbing and having any female he wants, he naturally turns to suspicion when it comes to my male friends. Why he always accused me of flirting with others, I never knew. I always told him the truth and he knew it but then used it against me. Jealousy and obsession are the worst combination in a relationship and they usually come hand in hand. I have my own share of those two demons. If not, why would I constantly spy on his Facebook even though I know it will hurt me? To see his connection with other much younger girls? To watch them go after my ex even from the time I was actually with him. Facebook is seriously a hellhole.

I had been willing to give up everything I had in Singapore, including leaving my parents behind to move to Australia. That was the hardest part, being the only child and the obligation to looking after them in their old age. I was willing to be part of this family, who did not think I was good enough for him. I was willing to be part of his friends, who also didn't think I was good enough for him. Why? Because I am a kineza, Greek for Chinese. So why was I willing to leave everything I loved behind only to be looked down by all his family and friends? Because I love him. I love him still despite all the hard words and his actions because I know the man he is inside. "True compassion is not just an emotional response but a firm commitment founded on reason. Therefore, a truly compassionate attitude towards others does not change even if they behave negatively." - Dalai Lama.

Some people get through break ups in days, weeks or years, some don't even seem to get over it. The process to recovery is a painful lonely journey. Yes friends play a part, a very important part. I have friends who have listened to me cry till wee morning, who went for a holiday with me, who made me laugh and forget my pain for the moment, but in the end, YOU have to have to strength within to pull yourself up from the dark pit.

Right now I am still learning how. Praying and Buddhist chants can only do so much. I guess time will heal but damn it takes such a long time. It seems unfair how someone who proclaimed to love you and promise to marry you can get over it so quickly. I suppose it's because I'm the only idiot who thought it was worth fighting for. Well, I've stopped fighting because I lost the battle even before it started.

I guess the one good thing that came out of this is the weight loss. I am finally rid of my excess 5 kilo baggage!