So J has a new girlfriend now. It's confirmed. My heart broke all over again but there's nothing to do about it but to give blessings and hurt myself later.
So I wrote a mail on Facebook to him.
"It pains me to say this but I wish u all the best for ur relationship with X. It's very obvious.
Remember when u said u would think about our relationship while u were in the airport and I was in Bali? I already knew the answer then.
I love u still, so much that u will never understand. But I am happy u found love from the girl u didn't have the chance to before.
When u told me all those times u loved me and u wanted to marry me and spend ur life with me, I wanted it so much too but I guess circumstances change. I hope u can find it with X. She is gorgeous."
Mind you I was drunk at this time but my brain was working perfectly fine. Drinking to a drunken stupor is absolutely a waste of time. Since I hardly drank, it meant that half a bottle of wine made me jelly legged and buzzing like an electrocuted squirrel.
Typing that email made me sick with pain. I was in two minds about it. I hated them both but yet I was glad at least one of us came out fine. My mind just kept going "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" on loop.
Well there's no turning back now. I deleted everything that connected us except Facebook. I threw away all his presents except the tiny speck of a diamond (Hell the camera I gave him cost more than that excuse of a diamond). It's not like he bought me a lot of stuff anyway. Funny thing is that amidst all the lovey dovey pictures of them, I still see him carrying my old bag and the watch I gave him.
Simply, right now I am back to square one. Lonely and in pain all over again. Except that he lied to me yet again.
Thanks to him it'll be hard for me to love again. I'm spent and too tired to pursue it. My mother was right, being single is better. You won't ever get fucked both ways.
So I wrote a mail on Facebook to him.
"It pains me to say this but I wish u all the best for ur relationship with X. It's very obvious.
Remember when u said u would think about our relationship while u were in the airport and I was in Bali? I already knew the answer then.
I love u still, so much that u will never understand. But I am happy u found love from the girl u didn't have the chance to before.
When u told me all those times u loved me and u wanted to marry me and spend ur life with me, I wanted it so much too but I guess circumstances change. I hope u can find it with X. She is gorgeous."
Mind you I was drunk at this time but my brain was working perfectly fine. Drinking to a drunken stupor is absolutely a waste of time. Since I hardly drank, it meant that half a bottle of wine made me jelly legged and buzzing like an electrocuted squirrel.
Typing that email made me sick with pain. I was in two minds about it. I hated them both but yet I was glad at least one of us came out fine. My mind just kept going "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" on loop.
Well there's no turning back now. I deleted everything that connected us except Facebook. I threw away all his presents except the tiny speck of a diamond (Hell the camera I gave him cost more than that excuse of a diamond). It's not like he bought me a lot of stuff anyway. Funny thing is that amidst all the lovey dovey pictures of them, I still see him carrying my old bag and the watch I gave him.
Simply, right now I am back to square one. Lonely and in pain all over again. Except that he lied to me yet again.
Thanks to him it'll be hard for me to love again. I'm spent and too tired to pursue it. My mother was right, being single is better. You won't ever get fucked both ways.
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