Acceptance

I absolutely love my life now. Yes I still do think of my ex, maybe I still love him but not anymore that I will pine like a lovelorn dog. I'm still avoiding anything or anyone remotely Greek at the moment but in time, that will pass too.

In all honesty, he did the right thing by breaking up with me. It wouldn't have worked out anyway. His family and friends looked down on me, he didn't trust me and he didn't know what he was doing. It was my own fault for rushing into this in the first place just because he said he wanted to marry me. I guess when u're desperate u'll clutch on to the only floating straw.

I suppose I should thank him one day. Not now, but maybe later. Or maybe not judging by his skills in ignorance.

I'm making many more friends now. I've actually moved on after World of Warcraft because the game reminds me too much of him. Star Wars: The Old Republic is coming out soon and I hope it's just as good as WoW. I'm travelling more and even took a solo holiday to Cambodia to visit the Angkor Wat and all the other amazing temples. I'm happy.

Life is so beautiful now.

Bullshit

If I had any means of communicating to my fabulous ex now, I really would like to just tell him this -

Dear J,

I realized that everything u ever said to me was tbh quite BULLSHIT. From marrying and having kids to reconsidering being back with me to saying things like "dun act like I dun wanna talk to you. If I didn't want to, I would have told you straight away". So what is this now? Deleting our photos... unfriending me n my friends... u didn't even have the courtesy to write me a note to tell me. I even helped u by untagging every single photo so u and ur new gf won't see my face, I even gave u good blessings to be with ur new gf... and all I ever got was total bloody BULLSHIT from the moment I met u.God, my friends stuck their necks out to help u find a job in Singapore and then u decided that u didn't want to work here anymore.. one of the Queenies was even on ur sorry ass side when she heard that u broke up with me... that's for gratitude girls.

I may not mean anything to u now, but don't forget what we used to be. Don't u forget that u wanted me to leave everything behind to live in Darwin with u. I sold my precious Lambchop, saved money so I wouldn't have use urs, tried to find a job there, researched everyday. For YOU. Why? I was doing everything for u, BECAUSE I thought u meant it.

When I replied ur smses seconds late in Bali, u said sarcastic things to me. What about u? U ignored me countless times and that's alright for u! And u senselessly accuse me of flirting with men AND women. And u took advantage of my honesty to put me down.And u always think that ur so fair and tell me that "u're not the one for me and u should make adjustments to ur attitude before u move on to the next guy. This is the best advice I can give u." Can u just look in the mirror first and THINK before u say anything next time? This is the best advice I can give to u.

I'm sorry this happened between us and I really thought u wanted to be friends. I admit to being a fucking bitch and failure at many things but at least I'm honest about it. I didn't give u cock and BULLSHIT.

Love,
The Stupid Kineza

I'd Like Some "Malakas" Please?

Since my fabulous ex, J, is Greek, it's natural for me to be avoiding anything remotely Greekish at the moment. However, I'm surrounded by Greek stuff now!

On my recovery trip to Bali during my birthday with a great friend, we HAD to stop in a Greek restaurant just because there weren't any other cafes of restaurants nearby. We had been trying to avoid that place since I spied it on the very first night we were there.

Then last Tuesday, I went to Borders to buy something to read during my upcoming solo trip to Cambodia. (Btw the chick lit book I bought turned out to be one I owned but received a black hole syndrome). I was reaching for the amazing break up book when my eyes were caught by this massive hard cover called "Greek Mythology". Fine. I took a stroll to the travel section and I was amazed by the masses of "Athens", "Cyclades", "Greece" popping all over the place. They were everywhere! Even in spots that they weren't supposed to be in, like just beside "Turkey"! It was a either a plot to introduce me to a new form of mental torture or Greece just really needs the tourists' money. For crying out loud, the bookstore is supposed to be my place of happiness!

And just a moment ago, I innocently clicked on the "Next Blog" link on the top of my blog. Surely it'll be a random blog on cooking or someone's artistic musing... Really who has time to blog nowadays?... It was a fecking Greek blog. Sigh. FML

When u don't notice them they aren't around. When ur trying to avoid any contact, they're everywhere!

Why? Why? Why? Hello, is anyone up there listening to me? I've been in the 'Stupid' queue for a while now, I'm ready to go.

To unfriend or not to unfriend?

Scenario: So you've been dumped and ur stalking his Facebook account. Every update slaps u in the face. Every photo of him moving on after 2 months and enjoying his life kicks u in the teeth. Pictures of him and a new girl makes u delirious with jealousy. Then suddenly, every photo of you is deleted from his album, u were deleted callously from his life... And then the next day, after u kindly untagged every of his photos so that his new gf and him doesn't see ur face on his photos log, u find that u have been UNFRIENDED! U and all your friends he added.

Trust me, every instinct wanted to delete him from Facebook after he deleted my photos. I kept him there because I didn't want to be petty and I really did want to continue being friends. Well no need to worry about that now. So what exactly is the Facebook etiquette when it comes to exes? I don't deny that he must have had a reason for deleting me. Let me name a few

1. His new chick could be just a jealous girl and can't stand his ex being on his Facebook
2. My post on going to Brazil for Mardi Gras may have caused him such intense feelings that he just HAD to delete me
   
3. He's stalking me and missing me too much
4. He's a miserable old goat
5. He's moved on and I'm non-existant in his life anymore
6. His Facebook got hacked and miraculously me and my friends have been deleted
7. He got abducted by friendly relatives and they did an anal probe on him and forced him to delete me

But whatever it is, I'm already a thing of the past and isn't it better now? No more stalking for me. I won't see his miserable, hypocritical face. I won't see her smiling happily into the camera thinking that she caught the man of the lifetime. Good luck when he controls ur life and accuses u of flirting with the world darling! No more pain looking at him moving on anymore. What's not to be happy about!? I got out of a fucked relationship, I should be popping champagne and calling for a parade and declare 9 June a National holiday! 


So he deleted me and my friends off his Facebook friends, so what? It made him look like a sad petty bastard since he dumped me in the first place with a text 'It's over'.  I have nothing to lose. He only owed me empty promises. I wasn't dependent on him for anything. I don't owe him anything. It's not the end of the world. In fact, I relish at the thought of moving on to a much better time with my new date, TB. Try guessing what TB means ;). 

Why waste time thinking why, what did I do wrong? Why waste time on someone who has absolute no respect for you? Who was in love with a shallow dream? Who made your 29th birthday lonely and just simply shit? Why waste time on someone who told you he was going marry u one day then dump u the next day cos of a quarrel over World of Warcraft. Ha ha!


J unfriended me on Facebook. Big deal. He caused me much more hurt in real, I don't need constant reminders of him in the virtual world as well. Hey I already uninstalled World of Warcraft because of him! (I healed your fucking undead rogue ass and sacrificed myself to save ur miserable virtual life!) I'm glad he did the dirty deed too. He has just confirmed to us all how small of a person he is. 


I would have understood if he had kindly just sent me a little short message why he did it. After all, I WAS someone u wanted to be with and loved before. Didn't ur mother teach you manners? Maybe not, I mean even someone so racist can teach something of value to her children. Oh and btw, thanks for 'defending' me when ur mom racially blasts me. Thanks for sitting there quietly listening then telling me afterwards.


These books helped me to look at my future in a more positive way:

It's Called Breakup Because It's Broken is a freaking fantastic book. It's a MUST have for all girls who, like me, need help in moving on.

Moving on

So J has a new girlfriend now. It's confirmed. My heart broke all over again but there's nothing to do about it but to give blessings and hurt myself later.

So I wrote a mail on Facebook to him.

"It pains me to say this but I wish u all the best for ur relationship with X. It's very obvious.

Remember when u said u would think about our relationship while u were in the airport and I was in Bali? I already knew the answer then.

I love u still, so much that u will never understand. But I am happy u found love from the girl u didn't have the chance to before.

When u told me all those times u loved me and u wanted to marry me and spend ur life with me, I wanted it so much too but I guess circumstances change. I hope u can find it with X. She is gorgeous."

Mind you I was drunk at this time but my brain was working perfectly fine. Drinking to a drunken stupor is absolutely a waste of time. Since I hardly drank, it meant that half a bottle of wine made me jelly legged and buzzing like an electrocuted squirrel.

Typing that email made me sick with pain. I was in two minds about it. I hated them both but yet I was glad at least one of us came out fine. My mind just kept going "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck" on loop.

Well there's no turning back now. I deleted everything that connected us except Facebook. I threw away all his presents except the tiny speck of a diamond (Hell the camera I gave him cost more than that excuse of a diamond). It's not like he bought me a lot of stuff anyway. Funny thing is that amidst all the lovey dovey pictures of them, I still see him carrying my old bag and the watch I gave him.

Simply, right now I am back to square one. Lonely and in pain all over again. Except that he lied to me yet again.

Thanks to him it'll be hard for me to love again. I'm spent and too tired to pursue it. My mother was right, being single is better. You won't ever get fucked both ways.

Epilogue

I spent so much love on u till I dun have much for myself.

Relapse!

It's already 2 months. Good job you Greek excuse, you found a new gf. And u shagged her already. I hope u didn't promise to marry her too... Well good luck staying there. hopefully she knows bt the other girls u've been fucking too.

Is there a way to annihilate u w/o leaving any residues?